Yesterday I made a typo in the last line of my blog. Instead of typing touch I typed tough. One letter, tons of meaning.
Divorce is tough, very tough. This is likely the hardest thing you have had to go through in your life. Other events, while they may have been harder at the time, did not last for months and months, if you are lucky, or for years if you are not. Divorce touches every aspect of your life, your family, friends and your work. Nothing will be left untouched.
This is the reality so cut yourself some slack and try not to be so hard on yourself. You need to recognize that your world has been fundamentally altered and the new way of life needs time to settle.
If you are a mom who now has an empty house when the kids are with dad and the silence is killing you, or if you are a dad who does not get to see his kids every night before bed and misses that goodnight kiss, it is OK to feel the emptiness. Let that feeling sit with you. You need to grieve the loss and accept the change.
Again, easier said than done. It will take time, in my own divorce it took a long time before I began to fill up the emptiness with life.
Think about all the things you never had a chance to do when you were married. Go to the shore with a book, a picnic lunch and watch the waves. Go into the city and spend the day wandering around. See friends and go on weekend trips to visit folks who are out of town. Your life will begin to fill with new experiences and you will begin to discover the person that you are outside of your marriage.
The re-creation of you will not only be good for you, it is essential for your children. They will sense that you are becoming more centered and at peace. They will begin to see that things are going to be OK. Your children need you to be OK, their world depends upon that.