Children in the Middle

Child custody negotiation can be the most emotionally charged part of your divorce.  A thought out approach is essential yet, due to the emotions, most folks are unable to do what is best for their children.

You have all heard that children should never be put in the middle of a divorce and that they should not be used as pawns in their negotiations.  If kids are made unwilling players in the divorce it will irreparably harm them.  No sugar coating here.

So what do you do if your X is using the children as a means to get what they want?  How can you protect your children and help them deal with this.  Believe me it is worse for them than for you.

Your children are intuitive and smarter than you think.  They can see the games a mile away.  They also love both parents.  So when they are in the middle they get angry and confused (just like you).

A few simple things can help you children.

  • Never say bad things about your X.  If the kids ask why the other parent is doing this your response could be along the lines of “Your mom/dad is having a hard time dealing with this right now but just remember that she/he loves you very much”..  ·
  • If you are approachable and non-judgmental about your X your children will find that they can talk to you about what is going on.  Allowing your children to talk about what is going on will be of great benefit to them and to you. ·
  • Accept the anger that your kids have.  When they lash out at you react with generosity and kindness, let them be angry and let them vent.
  • Your friends have been there for you it is the least you can do for your kids.

Remember that your children did not choose to “get divorced”, they are the causalities and you need to protect them the best you can.

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