Eliminating your “bull in the china shop” Responses

Your X does something that enrages you.  Every single button that you have has been pushed and you are out for blood.  Been there, not a happy place.

The natural reaction of striking back can have very damaging implications in terms of your ability to come to a swift negotiated settlement without spending enough in legal fees to put your attorney’s children through college.

My X’s attorney used to send 3 – 5 letters every Friday, just stirring the pot.  It used to ruin my weekend, every weekend.  I learned not to read anything on a Friday.  I told my attorney not so send me anything on Friday’s and not to send it to me if it was just BS that did not warrant a response.

It was actually pretty amusing after a couple of weeks of not responding to the BS letters we got a call from his attorney asking why we were not negotiating to resolve the outstanding issues.  My X’s attorney was likely just angry that the billing opportunity of responding to our replies was no longer there.

Sorry, I digressed….

Finding a way to respond without being a “bull in a china shop” is very powerful.  You can usually anticipate what will be thrown at you and if you do the work and build a plan on how to respond you can really control the process and throw the other side off their game.   For example; you get a demand for more funds to cover your X’s legal fees.  So, how have you planned to cover legal fees, where will the funds come from, what happens if you go over budget on legal fees?.

If you have a plan, a response is easy, there is no need to be the proverbial bull.  Imagine if at the very beginning of your divorce you presented a legal budget (or a budget for anything for that matter) and a plan as to how the costs will be covered.  Actually began to negotiate in good faith.  Just imagine how that would change the outcome of your divorce.

Food for thought.

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