What Can You Do When it is Just Not Fair

What can you do when all the court decisions seem to be against you? Your judge just seems not to get it and decisions are decidedly favoring your soon-to-be-X. How can you change your strategy to get on the “right” side of the judge?

If you are in this situation my heart goes out to you. You begin to believe that the judge is being paid off by the other side or that your legal counsel is just not good enough to beat the other side. Unfortunately in family court, the judge you get is the judge you get. You can’t change your judge unless there is a major conflict of interest.

So what do you do?

A few suggestions;

  • Avoid the court – which is always a good idea regardless of your judge; try to negotiate and settle via consent order.
  • If you really have to go to court – pick your battles. Be careful to only ask for what you can reasonably expect to get and keep the list short.
  • Get out of the court into mediation
  • Agree to binding arbitration if you believe that your spouse will not negotiate in good faith

Before you do anything on the list above you need to take a hard look at why you are in this position.  What have you done, consciously or unconsciously to get you in this spot? What can you do differently?  Is there a different approach that might work better? Have you been reactive rather than proactive?  Have you always been on the defensive rather than the offensive? Is there a way to nudge the situation into your favor?

When you are stuck in a difficult situation getting a new set of eyes to review where you are can be very helpful, even if it costs you a few dollars. Talk to a divorce consultant, a different lawyer or forensic accountant that specialized in divorce, the questions asked by the new parties can be the key to shifting your situation.

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