Divorce is Hard.

Divorce is tough, very tough. This is likely the hardest thing you have had to go through in your life.  Other events, while they may have been harder at the time, did not last for months, if you are lucky, or for years if you are not. Divorce touches every aspect of your life; your family, friends and your work. Nothing will be left unaltered.

This is the reality of divorce so you need to cut yourself some slack. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Recognize that your world has been fundamentally altered and the new way of life needs time to settle.

If you are a mom who now has an empty house when the kids are with dad and the silence is killing you, or if you are a dad who does not get to see his kids every night before bed and misses that goodnight kiss, it is OK to feel the emptiness. Let that feeling sit with you.  You need to grieve the loss and accept the change.

Think about all the things you never had a chance to do when you were married. Go to the shore with a book, a picnic lunch and watch the waves. Go into the city and spend the day people watching. See old friends you may have lost touch with and go on weekend trips to visit family who are out of town they will be glad to see you and you will give them comfort that you are coping. Your life will begin to fill with new experiences and you will begin to discover the person that you are outside of your marriage.

The re-creation of you will not only be therapeutic, it is essential for your children. They will sense that you are becoming more centered and at peace and that life goes on and expand. They will begin to see that things are going to be fine. Your children need you to be happy, it will reduce their stress. Their ability to see a happy future depends, to a great extent upon you moving on.

Again, this is easier said than done but it is doable so get started with baby steps if necessary.

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