- Accept that your marriage is over. Struggling with what happened in the past and with what could have been will continue to ruin your present moment. Try to accept your new reality and allow your healing to begin.
Usually, will just be a cognitive acceptance until your heart gets around to fully accepting the divorce, too. “My marriage is over. I’m still shocked, confused, and numb. I don’t have a clue what’s going to happen or what my life is going to look like. But divorce is inevitable and I have to face the future as it is.”
- Consider professional, expert help. There is no better time to reach out to a therapist and a divorce coach than when your life feels upside down. The road ahead is going to be long and bumpy and having the objective help of an expert can keep you on course.
- Create a support system. In addition to having a trusted professionals on your divorce journey, surround yourself with supportive friends and family. It is not uncommon for friendships to fall away when a marriage ends. People can and do take sides. This will only serve to make your true friends and allies stand out. Keep them close and allow them to support you in your journey. self-worth.
- Don’t intellectualize your divorce. Try not to overthink things; this is a convenient way to avoid feeling.
When dealing with grief after a divorce, it’s essential that you embrace your feelings as they present themselves. Trust yourself to handle the discomfort. Remember that you have the back-up of your support system when you want to talk things through.
- Let the grieving begin. Knowing ahead of time what the grieving process entails can help you get to the starting line. Trust that your feelings are natural. And trust that you are moving throughsomething, not dancing around something that will never end.
- Look for the lessons in your feelings. Even the most negative, painful feelings come bearing gifts. They all carry messages intended to help you heal and become the best version of yourself. Your marriage may have been loveless for many years and this is an opportunity to learn from what happened. Trusting in your feelings is just another way of trusting yourself.
- Let go of negative emotions. This doesn’t mean “don’t feel them.” It means “don’t let the ugly emotions stick to you”. Feel them as they arise. Ask them what they have come to teach you. Meditate on and journal about the answer. Then release the emotions.
This will be a repeated process of baby steps, so wash, rinse, repeat. (Emphasis on the rinse.)
- Rise above blame. Every relationship involves two people working out their own issues with their partner. Everything that happened in your relationship is the result of what both of your brought to the issue or event.
You are moving into a phase of your life where you won’t be able to turn and blame your spouse because s/he won’t be there. You can only work on yourself. So start now. Brave the inner examination that will reveal your own responsibility within your marriage — the good and the bad. Use your therapist to guide you through this, getting through this will push you ahead faster than just about any other strategy for dealing with grief after a divorce.
- Forgive your ex.Forgive yourself. One disappointment, betrayal, and hurt at a time. As you work on taking responsibility for your own contributions to your divorce, forgiveness will become easier.
- Take great care of yourself. Divorce isn’t simply emotional, it has physical side effects, too. This is a time when it is especially important to get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and find sources of positivity. Think about how you would help a friend in this situation and give that TLC to yourself.
- Don’t fill the void with another relationship. While this may feel good at the time you may set yourself for another broken heart or hurt another person if you are not ready for a real relationship. Get comfortable being on your own so you can distinguish between wanting and needing a relationship. You owe it to any potential partner to be your best self.
- Envision a new future.
Remember that future you lost sight of when you were going through your divorce? It’s time to envision a new one. You can build your new life however you want. Start slowly and do it a little at a time. What matters is that you start seeing happy possibilities for your life.
Your ex-spouse may have made your life difficult in the past. Please do not allow them to make your future difficult by your continuing to carry the hurt forward with you. Don’t allow this to make you the unhappy party. Living well is the best revenge.