by LDUS2530 | Jun 17, 2012 | Blog
So the kids are out of school; what do you do about the parenting schedule?
What are your children going to do over the summer? Everything is dependent upon the age of your children. If your kids are teens they may have jobs or if they are very young these suggestions may not be doable.
Hopefully each of you will have the chance to spend some extended quality time with them. Even if you do not have the money to go away there, are lots of day trips that are inexpensive and great fun; amusement parks, trips to the shore, picnic at a local lake, trip into New York City (OK, that will cost some $$) or a trip to a historic site. How about painting their room in a color that they like?
This is also an opportunity to have them spend time with extended family that may not see them regularly. Would the Grandparents appreciate a week with them? Would they like to spend time with their cousins? The kids will have a blast and it will allow them to have a break from the parenting schedule.
Parents who are on a one week on/ one week off schedule sometimes change to a 2 week schedule. As well most parenting schedules allow for one or two consecutive weeks with the kids with each parent, so as everything is going to be upside down it is easy to allow the kids some freedom.
Ask your children what they want to do? Do they have their hearts set on baseball camp or sleep away camp?
Parents who can co-operate with a different schedule for the summer will reap great rewards for their children
by LDUS2530 | Jun 15, 2012 | Blog
Kindergarten to college our kids are graduating from school.
It is really important to keep your focus on your children. This is their moment. It is important for them to have both of their parents, grandparents siblings, aunts, uncles, etc. at the celebration and in the pictures.
I look back at my eldest son’s graduation pictures and see that he does not have a single one with all of the family. There are two sets, one with mum and the other with dad. So sad that at the time my X and I could not see the bigger picture and do this for our child.
Despite all the angst you may be feeling try to put your feelings aside for the few minutes after the graduation, smile in the pictures and give your child the memory.
If things are very difficult between you and your X may be able to bow out nicely from attending a family gathering if being there will make it uncomfortable for your children or your X. If you are having the gathering make sure you ask your X to attend, and his side of the family.
As hard as this seems now, it will be worth it for the memories it will create for your children.
by LDUS2530 | Jun 14, 2012 | Blog
If your X is turning your children against you by saying bad things about you and telling them lies, you need to stay calm and think long term. I understand that this sounds impossible when your heart is breaking. Getting through the next year without damaging your relationship with your children is essential to your long term happiness, so let the current stuff go and think long.
Unfortunately there is little you can do to stop parental alienation. If one parent is determined to bad mouth the other, you can not control this and the children suffer the most. The claim of parental alienation is put to the Judges so often and with such outrage in each and every case that it is rarely believed nor dealt with by the courts.
First, know that your children love both of you. They are not divorcing their parents. Your children are intuitive and they can and do figure out what is going on without any help from their parents.
The parent who is doing the bad mouthing is risking loosing their children in the long run. Children feel incredible stress when they are put in the middle, this is a situation that they will not forget.
If your children ask why is mommy/daddy saying _________ (fill in the blank); the best thing that you can say is something along the lines of “mommy/daddy is having a hard time right now but just remember, that mommy/daddy loves you”. This will allow your children to talk to you without fear of reprisal and they will keep you in the loop of what is being said. Trust me, the other parent is not allowing them to speak freely.
My X used to tell my children that there was “no money for food” and then go to Starbucks and out to lunch with his friends.
My children were not fooled, nor will yours. Have faith and tell/text/email/write to them saying that you love them, even if they are not talking to you.
by LDUS2530 | Jun 4, 2012 | Blog
The basis upon which alimony is calculated is usually either an average of your past few year’s income or your current income. How you calculate this is important.
If your income is stable it is easy; but if your income is heavily commission or bonus based and is unpredictable then you could be in a position of having to amend your alimony annually, possibly having to go back to court.
What is your income now vs. where it has been and where it will likely go? If your income is declining then you will have to re-negotiate your support obligations as your income falls unless you can plan ahead. Rather than spend gobs of money on legal fees to try to prove that your income is reducing, you could suggest adding a formulaic approach to re-evaluate alimony if the reduction does occur. The formula will save time and legal fees but it is a double edge sword in that it will work both ways; if your income goes up your support obligations will as well. If it is going up then settle for something reasonable and you will be less likely to have to re-negotiate things in the future.
There is something to be said for doing the right thing and getting on with life.
Your x may come back at you if your income continues to rise but there is a limit to what can be asked. If during your marriage you only earned, $100,000 a year and post divorce you start to earn $150,000, it will be difficult for your X to claim rights to the increase because it is beyond the marital lifestyle (this does not mean that your X won’t try to get more). You may be subject to greater child support obligations but additional support is not likely.
You could ask for an anti Lepis clause. This clause will result in both parties giving up their right to have the agreement re-evaluated due to a change in circumstances. For a more detailed explanation ask your lawyer or Google Lepis vs Lepis. I do not provide legal advice.
Do you want to be free of future claims on your income from your x. If so and there are enough assets you might want to consider a lump sum payment in lieu of alimony. This is where a disproportionate share of your assets are given in exchange for no future alimony?
Can you earn back your savings with no future drain on your income?
If you feel that your income will rise in the future and you have enough assets, (equity in your home, savings or pension assets) then this might be the way to go.
If you take this approach and add a clause preventing future rights for alimony you are free and clear. Post divorce your goal should be to move upward and onward and this approach eliminates having to re-evaluate/re-negotiate support in the future.
by LDUS2530 | May 31, 2012 | Blog
What you want with respect to alimony is not always a straightforward answer.
One would think that if you are receiving it you want the most $ you can get and it you are paying then you want to pay the least $ you can.
- If you are receiving alimony you need to decide what you want, (other than more cash…)
- If you have been married for a long time lifetime alimony may be likely but what does that mean? If you are both 60 then it may only be until retirement or for another few years. Would a lump sum be better if alimony is going to stop or be reduced in a few years?
- Are you likely to re-marry? Again a lump sum would be a better strategy.
- Would you like to go back to school? Would a few years of higher alimony, to support you during school, and then have it drop when you get a job be a better alternative? If the reduction is structured to be economic for your spouse it might be doable.
- Do you have young children who need a parent at home? Is your income potential low so that covering child care is not feasible? Alimony & child support would be geared to staying home until the children are in school full time and then adjust.
- Are there are sufficient funds if you took a lump sum settlement so that you can buy a home and life mortgage free? Can you earn enough to support yourself in those circumstances?
Lots to think about. It is essential to work through these issues to make sure you negotiate the best solution. How you present want you want can alter your chances of getting it.
Be a boy/girl scout and be prepared!!
