by LDUS2530 | May 12, 2012 | Blog
- Control your emotions. • If you can control your emotions you will control your divorce and ultimately get the best possible outcome.
- Be prepared. At every single step of the way you must, must, must be prepared with the evidence needed to support what you are asking for or want to do. Divorce is full of he/said/she/said. If you can bring evidence you will be ahead of the game and will gain credibility.
- Limit your interactions with your spouse.• If you are one of the fortunate few who can maintain an amicable relationship, communication may not be a bad thing. However, for the rest of you, unless it is necessary and regarding the children limit your involvement. Information you disclose may weaken your bargaining position or be used against you.
- Choose your Lawyer wisely. Their representation will make or break you.• Choose an attorney who is well respected in the court room. Certain attorneys are know to be litigators. Be careful with this, these folks can create a fight where one does not exist and will cost you your life savings.
- Anticipate what will be thrown at you.• Think about all the potential issues and personal attacks that might come your way from the other side. Have a response ready. Build evidence against all the things your x will say about you. If you can prove them wrong early in the game and they do not gain from mudslinging there may be less of it in the next round.
- Do not let anger destroy you.• Anger is a choice. Terrible things may have happened and you have every right to be angry. Understand that the anger is only hurting you. You are the one who is unhappy, losing sleep, feeling rageful, stressed and spitting bullets at everyone around you, not the person you are angry at. Choosing to let go of the anger is very powerful; it does not mean that you forgive your X or that you forget what has been done, you just choose not to let it make unhappy.
Excerpts from the book “Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce” by Christina Rowe
by LDUS2530 | May 8, 2012 | Blog
If you ask this question to a lawyer the answer is obvious – of course they do…
Verbal agreements are impossible to enforce if the goodwill that was there when they were established no longer exists. Getting agreements in writing is a good idea. However the cost associated with this can be prohibitive if legal documents are used.
A letter between the parties with the signatures notarized may be enough. If the issues are simple (i.e. a certain asset is to be owned by one party or there is a change in parenting time) and you are able to clearly state the agreement then use a letter. I might be tempted to say that an emails confirming your agreement is ok but if there is something of value at steak then get a piece of paper with a notarized signature. One party could claim that an email was not received or that the reply was faked and while paper is old school, if the signatures are notarized it will be difficult for one party to claim that they did not sign it.
I am not suggesting that you can use a letter for everything and you should consult your lawyer as to when one might be appropriate.
Just use your common sense on this one.
by LDUS2530 | May 2, 2012 | Blog
I had one of those Ahh Haa moments yesterday. You don’t know squat about me and why I am passionate about Divorce Coaching.
I went through the divorce from hell. I moved out of my home on September 1, 2004 and my divorce was stamped by the court on September 27, 2010. Yes, 6 years and 27 days later…
I do this work because I want to spare other people going through a divorce the problems my children and I went through. I had three different lawyers, two custody evaluations, a dozen different court motions, a failed mediation attempt (my X defaulted on his side of the agreement) and finally binding arbitration. Even once the binding arbitration ruling was finalized my X refused to comply, sending me back to court to try to obtain an enforcement of the arbitration terms.
It was only when I took control of my divorce and treated it as a business negotiation was I able to get the results I wanted. Nasty, nasty stuff. Three of my children do not speak to their father and only my daughters see him occasionally. Such an unbearable loss for my children.
With this life altering experience I am determined to make a difference in the lives of other people going through a divorce. The pain and suffering that comes with a divorce can be reduced by being strategic and focused. The unfortunate thing is that when you are in the midst of divorce it is almost impossible to be rational and unemotional about the decisions that you make. That is where I come in, I act as your brain. I help you develop options to drive the success of your divorce you you come out on top.
All my best
Suz
by LDUS2530 | Apr 30, 2012 | Blog
When you decide to get a divorce one of the two of you eventually have to leave the house.
This is a very difficult thing to do particularly if you are the one leaving and the divorce was not your choice. If one of the parties will not voluntarily leave it is common that one of the two parties uses a domestic violence complaint and obtains a temporary restraining order (TRO) to have one party thrown out of the house just as a way to get the other party out.
While it may seem like a good idea at the time, it is strategically a very bad idea.
Having had this happen to me, I can tell you, when the police arrive at your door and tell you that you have 20 minutes to collect your things and leave it is a feeling I will never forget. I was thrown out of the house at 2 in the morning. My children were sleeping in the house and I had to get out with nowhere to go. I would have gone to a women’s shelter but I was told that as I was supposedly the perpetrator of domestic violence that I would not be admitted. Enough about me….
While this may appear as a victory for the spouse remaining in the house, this is a very, very bad idea and unless you are really being harmed it is not worth the short term gain.
The bitterness that results will make your divorce longer and more painful.
by LDUS2530 | Apr 28, 2012 | Blog
I cannot over emphasize this point.
Being proactive can help you avoid issues or, if unavoidable, at least being prepared for them. If you know there are hot buttons for your soon-to-be-X (STBX) and certain situation will trigger a reaction, plan for them and develop a strategy.
Approach the situation by first identifying what might happen and develop a plan to change the circumstances that might lead to the dispute. For example; if you know your STBX’s family is coming in for a visit and some of the time occurs during your parenting time; Rather than wait for the demand for extra time with the children, (and the conflict that might occur with the demand) suggest a swap of time in advance. If you can anticipate problems and avoid them your divorce will move to a more collaborative situation and resolution will be easier.
Being proactive is also critical if you are in court or as you move into mediation. Thinking though what the other sided will throw at you and developing a defence for these items will help you win your point and deflect criticism.
Thinking ahead of the issues will help you be in control and make an educated decision. A client wanted to negotiate a lump sum settlement with his STBX and I prepped him with spread sheets of the likely range of alimony numbers and what that represented on a lump sum basis. This gave him the ability to negotiate from a position of strength rather than being reactive to the situation as it unfolded. It also allowed the negotiations to move faster resulting in lower legal fees.
Plan for as many possibilities as you can imagine and you will not be caught off guard.
Another useful and beneficial way to be proactive, is to be the one to take action and get the ball rolling. This will stop the waiting game and will be empowering as you will feel like you have power over your life instead of feeling like you are being run by the other side or the court system. Set up appointments with the mediator and get the needed documentation into the hand of the other side;
Be the one who drives the process.
