Valentine’s Day can be an enjoyable holiday for many people; it’s a day to let people know how you feel, to spend time with a significant other, to show your appreciation for the ones you care about. When you’re going through a divorce, however, it can be hard to take pleasure in a day that is so often focused on romantic love. You may feel anxious or sad, and those feelings can exacerbate depression and other mood disorders.
Once we start feeling low, it’s very easy to feed that negativity with thoughts about our worth and even our ability to be loved, and it can be difficult to get off that path and boost our self-esteem.
Fortunately, there are many ways you can enjoy Valentine’s Day whether you’re single or in a committed relationship. You might put the focus on your best friends, or simply make the day all about self-care and making sure your needs are met. After all, loving yourself is very important. Consultant Suzanne Sparrow suggests thinking about the best ways to practice self-care this year and make a plan for February 14 so that when the day rolls around, you’ll be able to turn it into a positive experience.
Spend some quality time … with yourself
We all need a little break now and then to focus on ourselves, so why not make Valentine’s Day a time to take care of your needs? Head to a local spa and get a pedicure, or spend the night in with your favorite movie and snacks. Go on a shopping trip and update your wardrobe; treat yourself! You can also participate in some quiet time; start a journal, read a good book, walk through the park, or spend an hour or two at a bookstore and grab a coffee afterwards. Pretend you’re on a date with yourself and make an effort to enjoy your time alone.
Cook for yourself
Many single people don’t often cook a nice meal for themselves because it’s so much easier to opt for quick and easy or takeout. Take the time this Valentine’s Day to create a delicious, healthy, decadent meal for yourself. Shop for fresh ingredients, incorporate things you love or have always wanted to try, and make a dessert you can revel in afterwards. Making time to cook a fantastic meal for yourself can boost your self-esteem and will help you see your own value at the same time.
Try something new
Most restaurants, theaters, and bars are full of couples and couple-wannabes on Valentine’s Day, but if you feel like going out, you can try something a little different. Head to an art museum, take a class, or head to a pottery shop to make your own pieces. Doing something you’ve always wanted to try — and being creative at the same time — can help boost your mood and your self-confidence, according to Psychology Today.
You may even want to give your lifestyle an upgrade. Change is hard, but it can also bring big rewards. Maybe it’s time to search for an apartment outside the city (there are nearly 260 apartments for rent in Stamford alone), or earn that degree you’ve been putting off. Studies have shown that attaining a college degree results in better health. Now’s a great time to pursue studies online, which has benefits of its own, including flexibility in how and when you take coursework. Plus, the return on the dollar is enticing; business degree graduates from Western Governors University, for example, report an ROI ranging from 202 to 267 percent.
Valentine’s Day can be a lot of fun for everyone; you just have to know where to start. Think about ways to make your day the best it can be, and focus on making yourself happy. With a good plan and a little preparation, your Valentine’s Day will be one to remember.
Divorce consultant Suzanne Sparrow helps people build a strategy and develop alternatives for the challenges they are facing in their divorce. Reach out to find out more! (908) 202-4828
With certainty, sometimes, your child will be too sick and not able to attend school or go to day care. Dealing with a sick child is never easy, but dealing with a sick child in a co-parenting situation can be more difficult.
Having an understanding (and clear language in your Marital Settlement Agreement) will be very helpful in dealing with your children’s illnesses. Having a plan in place will help you and your x-spouse manage your children’s illness without placing any additional stress on your child. Here are a few tips to help you co-parenting while your child is sick.
Negotiate this situation as part of theparenting arrangements: Having a clear path as to where the children go when they cannot go to school or day care will allow both parents to be aware of what happens next and plan accordingly. For example if your parenting agreement says that the parent with the overnight is responsible for caring for a sick child it will take the guess work out of things. If it is clear that one parent will be unable to take a day off work to care for the children then adjusting the parenting arrangement from the get go is a way to avoid difficulties in the future.
Prepare yourself in advance:Both parents should be aware of their child’s medical condition before he/she is picked up with a serious cold. Communication between parents can result in better outcomes for your children. Making sure that both parents have updated insurance details, lists of allergies and medications, contact details for your child’s doctor, etc., is crucial to managing your child’s illness. Additionally, both parents should know what to do in a medical emergency, the closest hospital to each of their homes. You can also contact us for divorce help in this matter.
Schedule Parenting Hours:Try to build in flexibility in your child custody plans, to accommodate a sick child. Which parent is in the best position to care for the sick child? Can one parent work from home at a moments notice to care for the children. If neither parent can do so, do you have a family member or babysitter who can help in these situations. Who will pay for the extra child care if a babysitter is needed in these situations? The more detailed you plan the less conflict you will have in the future.
Share Details of your child’s illness with your Co-Parent:It is important to share details about your child’s condition and what measures have been taken; last time cough or prescription medicine was given to the child and the instructions to administer the next does of medicine. We suggest the use of emails so there is no miscommunication on medical issues.
Both parents have the best interest of their children at heart so even though one parent may not have had this ro9le during the marriage it is important to have faith that they will do what is needed to care for the sick child. We understand it might be difficult to let go of control, but it is important to do so to minimize the stress on the children.
Take the High Road: If you know your child is not well please act responsibly and don’t just drop them off at school or day care. When the call from the school comes, which it will, the responsible parent must do the right thing for the benefit of the child. Failing to abide with the parenting agreement, just hoping the other parent will take the day off work, is not a good long term plan.
Avoid Fighting:It is crucial to have a positive environment around your sick child. They do not need to feel any worse than they do. Having a united front will make your child feel better and help him/her recover.
We know that co-parenting when you child is sick is challenging, particularly if it results in a change in the custody schedule. However, your child requires you to co-ordinate with the co-parent and handle the situation.
Getting divorced is one of the most stressful things you can experience. Although divorce is extremely exhausting and emotionally taxing on adults, it can be even harder on our kids. It’s easy for children to feel a sense of abandonment when their parents get divorced—and the negative impact can follow them well into adulthood.
Thankfully, Divorce Coach NJ can help you navigate this messy situation and ensure the well-being of your kids remains a top priority. Here are some of our best tips!
Put Your Children First
As you navigate your divorce, remember that your children and their needs are more important than the division of marital property or how much alimony you will have to pay or receive. A great divorce consultant can help you manage these financial issues so you can give your kids the attention they need right now.
One way to reduce the impact on your kids is to keep them away from conflict. Studies show that exposure to long-term conflict can hurt children’s mental health, academic performance, self-esteem, and success in future relationships. Don’t put your kids in the center of your arguments or bad-talk the other parent behind their back.
Creating a sense of stability at home can help your children better cope with your divorce. Make sure your home feels like a safe, healthy, and stress-free oasis where your kids can escape from their stressors. Achieving this may be as simple as doing some cleaning! For example, Redfin suggests decluttering, opening the curtains to let in natural light, and incorporating air-purifying plants into your home décor.
Keep Your Kids in the Loop
Protecting your kids from conflict doesn’t mean keeping them in the dark. Of course, talking to kids about divorce is going to be tough. Today’s Parent suggests a different communication approach for kids of varying ages. For example, preschoolers have a very limited ability to understand cause and effect or think about the future. Offer concrete explanations regarding your child custody arrangements and be prepared to answer questions with simple, age-appropriate language.
Make a Co-Parenting Plan
Co-parenting isn’t easy, but it’s essential for the long-term well-being of your children. Get together with your ex-spouse and come up with a co-parenting plan that works for both of you. Consider how you are going to split up your parenting schedule, handle children’s expenses, and enforce rules. Emotions can easily complicate your co-parenting plan, so try to keep your feelings out of it. Of course, this will be easier in a low conflict divorce, but it really is possible to co-parent with someone you hate. If it helps, think of this as a business relationship!
No amount of planning will make divorce easy for you or your kids. While this transition is bound to feel rocky, your family will get through it! Working with a divorce consultant, like Divorce Coach NJ, can take a lot of weight off your shoulders and help you navigate your divorce without sacrificing the wellbeing of you or your children. Schedule a call today so we can get in touch!
Accept that your marriage is over. Struggling with what happened in the past and with what could have been will continue to ruin your present moment. Try to accept your new reality and allow your healing to begin.
Usually, will just be a cognitive acceptance until your heart gets around to fully accepting the divorce, too. “My marriage is over. I’m still shocked, confused, and numb. I don’t have a clue what’s going to happen or what my life is going to look like. But divorce is inevitable and I have to face the future as it is.”
Consider professional, expert help. There is no better time to reach out to a therapist and a divorce coach than when your life feels upside down. The road ahead is going to be long and bumpy and having the objective help of an expert can keep you on course.
Create a support system. In addition to having a trusted professionals on your divorce journey, surround yourself with supportive friends and family. It is not uncommon for friendships to fall away when a marriage ends. People can and do take sides. This will only serve to make your true friends and allies stand out. Keep them close and allow them to support you in your journey. self-worth.
Don’t intellectualize your divorce. Try not to overthink things; this is a convenient way to avoid feeling.
When dealing with grief after a divorce, it’s essential that you embrace your feelings as they present themselves. Trust yourself to handle the discomfort. Remember that you have the back-up of your support system when you want to talk things through.
Let the grieving begin. Knowing ahead of time what the grieving process entails can help you get to the starting line. Trust that your feelings are natural. And trust that you are moving throughsomething, not dancing around something that will never end.
Look for the lessons in your feelings. Even the most negative, painful feelings come bearing gifts. They all carry messages intended to help you heal and become the best version of yourself. Your marriage may have been loveless for many years and this is an opportunity to learn from what happened. Trusting in your feelings is just another way of trusting yourself.
Let go of negative emotions. This doesn’t mean “don’t feel them.” It means “don’t let the ugly emotions stick to you”. Feel them as they arise. Ask them what they have come to teach you. Meditate on and journal about the answer. Then release the emotions.
This will be a repeated process of baby steps, so wash, rinse, repeat. (Emphasis on the rinse.)
Rise above blame. Every relationship involves two people working out their own issues with their partner. Everything that happened in your relationship is the result of what both of your brought to the issue or event.
You are moving into a phase of your life where you won’t be able to turn and blame your spouse because s/he won’t be there. You can only work on yourself. So start now. Brave the inner examination that will reveal your own responsibility within your marriage — the good and the bad. Use your therapist to guide you through this, getting through this will push you ahead faster than just about any other strategy for dealing with grief after a divorce.
Forgive your ex.Forgive yourself. One disappointment, betrayal, and hurt at a time. As you work on taking responsibility for your own contributions to your divorce, forgiveness will become easier.
Take great care of yourself. Divorce isn’t simply emotional, it has physical side effects, too. This is a time when it is especially important to get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and find sources of positivity. Think about how you would help a friend in this situation and give that TLC to yourself.
Don’t fill the void with another relationship. While this may feel good at the time you may set yourself for another broken heart or hurt another person if you are not ready for a real relationship. Get comfortable being on your own so you can distinguish between wanting and needing a relationship. You owe it to any potential partner to be your best self.
Envision a new future.
Remember that future you lost sight of when you were going through your divorce? It’s time to envision a new one. You can build your new life however you want. Start slowly and do it a little at a time. What matters is that you start seeing happy possibilities for your life.
Your ex-spouse may have made your life difficult in the past. Please do not allow them to make your future difficult by your continuing to carry the hurt forward with you. Don’t allow this to make you the unhappy party. Living well is the best revenge.
How Does NJ Case Information Statement Help Settle Your Divorce?
Once you file for divorce with the NJ family court, you will be required to file a ‘case information statement’ within 6 weeks of the response to your divorce. You and your spouse may find filling out the NJ case information statement or “CIS” difficult as it is time-consuming and requires a great deal of information. However, completing the document properly and quickly will assist in the resolution of your divorce.
Before you start, review the CIS’s various parts so that you can gather the required information. It is also essential that you understand how to present various aspects of your marital financial picture so that you obtain the best possible results for you and your children.
NJ Family Case Information Statement Sections:
Part A – Case Information
You need to provide basic information about you and your family, including birthdates, date of the marriage, and the list of issues that are not agreed upon in your divorce.
Parts B – Miscellaneous and C – Income Information
These sections describe your, and your spouse’s, employment and total annual incomes for both of you for this year to date and the previous year. You will need to assemble pay stubs and tax returns to do this properly. If you do not have this information leave it blank. This can be challenging if you are not the primary breadwinner and you spouse has not disclosed this information. If you do work, you will need to attach your last year’s tax return and 3 most recent pay stubs to the CIS when it is submitted to the court. Additionally, the form asks that you disclose if you/spouse are provided with stock options, bonuses, commissions and other earned and unearned income beyond your base salary.
Part D – Monthly Expenses
This part deals exclusively with the monthly expenses incurred during the marriage and your current situation if you are living separately from your spouse. It is best if you can use real data from bank and credit card statements. Guessing as to these amounts can result in inadequate support for you and your children.
The Monthly Expenses Are Divided Into Three Separate Schedules:
Schedule A – Shelter: These include mortgage payments, utilities, homeowner’s insurance, property taxes, repairs and maintenance, snow removal, landscaping charges, telephone, cable, internet, and other home-related monthly costs.
Schedule B -Transportation: This expense covers monthly lease, loan, car payments, automobile insurance, boats, motorcycles, gasoline expenses, repairs and maintenance, license, and registration fees.
Schedule C -Personal Expenses: It covers groceries, life and health insurance, expenses for medical, dental, vision, prescription drugs, therapy or psychological counseling, eye care, and orthodontic work. Also, it includes child-related costs, expenses for domestic help, professional fees, cash and retirement savings, costs incurred to gifts for birthdays, holidays expenditures, entertainment expenses, hair care and even has lines to include other unusual expenses particular to the family.
“The monthly budget component of Part D is a critical part as it provides the amount of expenses used to determine the support needed to meet those requirements”.
Part E – Balance Sheet of All Family Assets and Liabilities
This part identifies your marital and separate assets and liabilities. Here, you should provide information regarding all existing bank accounts, real estate, IRAs, pensions, Keoughs, ESOPs, SEPs, SSPs, 403b, and 401k plans, 529 accounts, stock and bond accounts. This part should also itemize any business interests, collectibles, and other valuable personal property that you own. Also, you must fill out the amount of cash value if there are any whole life insurance policies. Assets which you believe to be exempt from equitable distribution (splitting with your spouse) can be listed as such. The dates of the balances listed should be close to the date of the CIS or the most recent statement that is in your possession.
Debts of the family are also to be listed including the credit cards used even if they are paid in full each month. Borrowings from family members can also to be included should family assist you with funds to pay for living expenses or hire an attorney. Make sure you keep accurate records of funds lent, even if it is on a piece of paper, if you want these to be considered in the finalization of your divorce.
Part F – Special problems
NJ Case Information Statement allows you to indicate if there are any special problems or challenges that were not included in the CIS but needs to be disclosed.
For example, it could be the requirement of a forensic accountant to value a family business or if you have a child with special needs or personal medical issues
Part G – Attachements
This part provides a list of required attachments such as W2 forms, pay stubs, and tax returns.
How Can Divorce Coach NJ Help You?
NJ case information statement is conceivably the most crucial document in your divorce. We guide you to make sure the numbers are right and presented in the most effective manner to ensure you are protected. We have over 10 years of experience in helping individuals through their divorce. We render financial, strategic, and emotional support that will reduce the stress and anxiety of your divorce. Our one-on-one program delivers extensive services based on your needs. We help our clients with valuable professional advice, which includes comprehending NJ CIS as well. Our assistance will result in a better outcome for you and your children.
We provide a free introductory consultation to all clients to see if our services will be a fit. Reach out via the contact form on www.divorcecoachnj.com to set up a time to chat.
Divorce is a life-changing decision which will be emotional, stressful, traumatic, and nerve-wracking. The end of a marriage will trigger sadness and despair irrespective of the reason for your divorce and these emotions can overwhelm you.
Why does Divorce Impact Your Mental State?
A marriage begins with the expectation of a loving and happy future together. When a marriage fails, it brings disappointment, shame, stress, and a sense of failure. Even if it is evident that the relationship is no longer working these feelings of loss are unavoidable.
Furthermore, divorce impacts all of the members of your family; you and your spouse, your children, your parents and your extended families. Even though you may not have been the instigator of the divorce you will bear the mental burden of this pain and suffering of those you love.
How do you Overcome the Pain and Anxiety?
Accept that it takes time to recover from a divorce, more time if you were not the one who started the process. Time is your friend here; while it will not seem like it, things will get better.
These steps will be helpful :
Accept that it is ALRIGHT to feel sad, be angry, frustrated, or to have other negative feelings. You may also worry about your future, and dwell in your past. It is important to accept that this is normal.
Seek support from a therapist. While your family and friends will listen and provide support a trained therapist will be an unbiased voice and will be able to recognize signs of depression and anxiety.
Lean on friends and family. Build a community of kind souls around you to help you when you are in need.
Avoid isolating yourself. Find a divorce support group to talk with people in similar circumstances; it will make you feel like you are not alone.
Change your routines. Try something new, it will help you focus on something other than your divorce.
Hire a divorce consultant to take the burden of the divorce process off your shoulders. Your lawyer will take care of the legal issues but there is an overwhelming amount of financial work and collection of paperwork that can be done by a divorce consultant.
Why Choose Us- Divorce Coach NJ?
We have over 10 years of experience of helping individuals in Summit NJ and surrounding area through their divorce. We provide financial, strategic, and emotional support that will take much of the stress and anxiety out of your divorce. Our one-on-one program provides extensive services based upon your needs. Our assistance will result in a better outcome for you and your children.
We provide a free introductory consultation to all clients to see if our services will be a fit. Reach out via the contact form on www.divorcecoachnj.com to set up a time to chat.
