When you are in the middle of a divorce life feels pretty tough. Compound this feeling with the stress of the Covid-19 issues and life is much tougher. However, with certainty, there is a better day. This is a phrase that we say at the end of each of the divorce support group meetings that I help facilitate.
Life will get better from where you are now with the passage of time. Wounds become less raw, your ability to cope grows with each passing day and life changes. You will find a new normal and begin to live again.
It took me a long time (longer than most) to get to my better day, but it did come. Last June I remarried and am happier than I ever have been. Wardrop became Sparrow.
Being cautious and taking your time is a good idea; you do not want to fall back into the same sort of relationship that you just left. The pressure to find a new person in your life to fill the hole left by your marriage is sometimes overwhelming but, really, take your time.
As you exit a divorce you want to examine yourself and see where you are. Even if your X had an affair and you were blindsided, what did you miss, what were you not seeing, what were the subtle clues that things were not good between you?
Finding answers to these questions will help you make peace with your situation. Once you are at peace you will be open to a new relationship and can enter it free of the past and with an understanding what happened so that you can avoid these situations in the future. This is hard work, but I highly recommend it.
The other great piece of advice I was given during my divorce was to take care of myself first. Be kind to yourself and drop all the “shoulds” running around in your head. There is no schedule for recovery as each person is different and needs their own amount of time to heal. Make time for a few minutes of meditation or prayer each day, even if it is five minutes, and find some quiet. This quiet will help silence your inner demons, reduce your stress and help you shed your burdens.
Journaling can also be a powerful tool. It will allow you to purge your anger, sorrows and regrets. The mere fact that you commit words to paper is therapeutic. You never have to go back and read it again, and if you are feeling toxic you might not want to read it, but getting the feelings out of you will help bring an end to the repetition of the same stories in your head.
There is a better day. Do what you can to make it happen.